I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
