Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
