Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
