Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
