I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
