evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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