Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Houston, we have a squirter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
