He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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