I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
only if we run a train.
done.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Randomize
