just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
