Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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