I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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