I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
