it hurts more in the daytime
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think people are normalizing furries
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
