How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
