I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
