i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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