My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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