I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
