If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
