is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
