We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
