HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
