oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
