she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
