omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
