I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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