She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
