Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
