This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
