Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
