She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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