We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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