i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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