yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hippo gnu deer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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