Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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