Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize