I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
