do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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