I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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