There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
