If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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