I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
