What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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