good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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