I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
