spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
