it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
