Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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