Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
