why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
