I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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