After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
