soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
