Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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