So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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