It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
