You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
