I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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