Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Found the puke drawer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
