My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
