She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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