I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
