well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
