Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
