Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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