I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
