Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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