So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
