im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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