See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think people are normalizing furries
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
