i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
