do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
