Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
