I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
