9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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