dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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