Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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