I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
