Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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