what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
