i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
