she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
