My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
