I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
