DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
