My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
