At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
