I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
