does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
