She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
