If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize