his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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