The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
