you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
