I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
