my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
