how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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