Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
