i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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