i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
