Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
