I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
