I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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