Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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