omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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